May 10, 2026

So the first printed drafts of HAND arrived on my doorstep today! I awaited its arrival like a young anxious child who couldn’t sit still, constantly looking out the front window to see if I could spot a delivery van, checking and re-checking to see if a package had come. 

And when it did come, I shook with anticipation as I brought it in and opened up the box. And there it was, in print after 20 years. It was truly overwhelming for me. 

I’ve read and reread it again, now in this new format. It’s so odd, but putting it in book form really helps to tie it together, in a way I think that seeing it on my computer couldn’t do. I’m hoping that the integrity and honesty and raw emotion comes across to others as it does to me now.

I’ve written it to “be useful” to those of us who are grieving with this unimaginable loss. If it is also helpful, then that would be great also. 

That’s my only goal.

I’m hoping it is understood as a book that provides no magic answers - because I don’t think there are any and if there are, I certainly don’t have them. Rather it is a dialogue about my trying to learn to live with this vacuum and this force that has taken my daughter Zoe from our family. 

Rather than answers, it’s a dialogue about the process of striving to reach a point  where one can learn to live meaningfully with this unexpected reality, and still be grounded in the lives of those you still have and love in the here and now. 

This is all about the process, my process and not about any conclusions. 

I am hoping that this will be useful to others.