May 27, 2026

So, I’m in the process of contacting people - Doctors, other professionals, bereaved parents who worked or knew us or and/or Zoe - and asking them to read an advanced copy of Hands to provide some feedback and also to see if anyone picks up any inconsistencies or errors. Lauren is really pushing me, but in a very supportive way because she thinks, - no, to rephrase,  she knows  that if there are more attestations included in the final copy, it will be more helpful in getting Hands to the right people.

Bless Lauren! Keep on pushing!

What is interesting and yes surprising for me, twenty one years later, is how this process of reaching out unpacks emotional baggage for me. Even though I may have had some contact with many of these wonderful souls over the intervening years, I found myself becoming anxious and emotionally labile before I’d pick up a phone or write an email. I’d start to revisit whether it was a good idea to contact them, if I should ask them to spend their valuable time reading MY musings, and even, get this, ask::

How should I greet them when I actually meet them and give them a copy, should I shake their hand, do I hug them?? And what if I lose it and start to cry?

Woe is me for not having predicted all this, I tell myself.

( Little voice in my head: Steve, stop being so hard on yourself!)

Well…..not only have I been getting wonderful responses from ALL of them, I haven’t  even had to worry about how to greet them because - before I could think - they’ve all reached out and hugged me first!!! Genuine hugs!!!

It’s been lovely and comforting to reconnect and catch up.

And what I’ve also realized is that reconnecting is reassuring and supportive  for them as well. It has to be the projective issue - nobody sees someone lose their kid and doesn’t at some profound moment, think about their own children.You know Mr Bereaved Parent, Dr Psychologist, it has been a terribly sad and taxing process for them too and they need, they deserve lots of support. Part of them has taken a hit too. 

Hence the hugs.

Grieving is really a larger systemic issue that blankets everyone involved in a profound way. It’s easy to forget that your grief is shared by many others.